All right, hip cats and cool ladies: I'm disparaging the lack of accomplishment in my life. Before I tuned into Veronica Mars (which has the potential to be a new favourite) last night, I flipped past Fear Factor (which I never watch) and there was someone I went to high school with. Not only that but it was a "best winners" episode - so she's already been on once and won. She's a celebrity trainer out in LA now; she "trains" Queen Latifah, which was suspiciously mentioned prominently by host, Joe Rogan. This got me to thinking: what, if anything, have I done with my life? Sure I've taught a few classes here in there, some of which were successful, some of which weren't; I've watched a bunch of movies; I've made consider progress on the Mike-shape ass groove in my couch. But nothing big. Not that I consider eating pig rectums or jumping off a moving truck or whatever the hell else people do on Fear Factor an "accomplishment," but there's an undisputable, tangible success that comes from being on television.

Listening to: Public Enemy's "Fight the Power," before that "We Used to be Friends" by the Dandy Warhols.

And how 'bout an old Monday Mission?

1. How old will you be on your next birthday?

31...Shut up.

2. One of the presents I was given for my birthday was a "George Foreman Grill." I've always joked about them, so it was kind of a joke gift. But it turns out, it is a really neat little grill. Then it hit me, this is a gadget, except it is for the kitchen. Then I thought about it and realized that "gadgets" aren't just techno-toys, gadgets are everywhere. What is your favorite gadget?

MP3 Player... and my DVD player.

3. Tell me about someone that you reconnected with after several years ago. What caused the separation? Has enough time passed? Do you still get along?

Actually I lose contact with people all the time. People are always ebbing and flowing into my life. Usually it's just time and distance that causes it. Can't think of anyone I lost contact with because of a fight. What's very cool is when people you thought you'd never hear from again pop back into your life and they're even cooler than you remembered (and you remembered them being pretty cool). I've reconnected with a few "old' friends in the past year or so. With any luck, they think half as much of me as I think of them.

4. I've not met many online friends in real-life (I.R.L.), but I've always assumed we'd get along great if we met. But then again, if we would since my online personality (brash, outgoing) seems so different from how I see my RL offline version (introverted). Is there a difference between your online personality and your real-life version? Or are you pretty much the same person either way?

I think I'm pretty much the same as my on-line counterpart... though he's probably a little more eloquent, 'cause with posting I have time to think up witty responses and edit them just right.

5. Being the quiet type, I have often felt like the online world has given me a greater chance to meet people I'd never meet IRL. In fact, I would bet that I would have never met any of you IRL if we had been in the same bookstore or coffee shop. Is this true for you?

I guess, but look at the people who do speak to strangers: insane people on buses wearing tinfoil headgear and plastic bags on their feet... If that's what's out there, no thank you. In truth, I'm an intensely shy person who rarely "makes the first step' at talking to people. Even people I know. Seriously I have a group of "friends" who out and out ignore at times - really, I can be standing beside them and they not say a word; or I can be sitting by myself and they sit somewhere else. Sometimes I think most people aren't even worth the effort.... but some are.

6. There are times when I just want to tell someone off. I don't usually, since I have to work with them. Sometimes it is a family member and that would be even worse on down the road if I cut loose. If you could just verbally let loose on someone and be able to say anything you want, without repercussions, who would you say it to and what would you say?
I'm just gonna refuse to answer this one... not like they’d have seen it coming anyway

BONUS: Are we alive or just a dying planet?
Dying... who wants to know?

Was it Socrates or the Boomtown Rats who quipped, "I don't like Mondays"? Profound, whichever of them said it. When my alarm rang early this morning, I had that sinking feeling that this Monday was not going to be liked. I was met with a huge crapload of work. My boss is away this week but he managed to dig up and assign every marginally important task to me before me left. As a result I've spent a large part of the morning lifting heavy boxes of books in an asbestous filled basement. So, though I may have contracted cancer, the boxes are on their way to Toronto... lucky boxes.

The weekend was pretty good, but like most good things, over far too quickly. Saturday was a bit of a bust - spent most of the day watching Six Feet Under (which has become for me, once again, the epitome of how great television can be). Sunday I had a Bar BQ, and, though it rained for most of time, it was a success. After the hotdogs and hamburgers were consumed, some friends and I went and spent the rest of the day playing poker and video games.

All right, it's Friday. How bout a Friday Five?

1. What is the one book that you reread over and over again?
Recently, it's been the Nick Hornby books High Fidelity and About a Boy , but I also re-read the Sherlock Holmes stories every few years.
2. What is your favourite genre?
Couldn't pick one.
3. Do you usually buy your books or visit the library?
Um, I prefer buy them, but with the amount I have to read, I do rely on the library.
4. Who is your favourite author?
To pick just one is so unfair. Here's a quick list culled from a glance aorund the book shelves: Nick Hornby, Ernest Hemingway, Evelyn Waugh, Italo Calvino, GG Marquez, AS Byatt
5. What book have you read that you absolutely hated?
That Dee Dee Ramone book is still the worse work of fiction I've ever read. The worst book period was something that a colleague shared with me a few months ago - it was a self-published religious work... and it was AWFUL.

My devilish wife rented the second season of Six Feet Under yesterday. We only have it for a week... 13 episodes, an hour each, 6 days? No problem. Guess Evelyn Waugh can wait a little bit longer.

Listening to: RJD2 - he's a DJ; imagine the Cars and Jam Master Jay had a kid.

Hey coolcats. Bored? Lonely? Here's a little sumptin' sumptin' to pass away those long afternoons. Enjoy.Birthday

I'm goin through this totally bizzare musical nostaglia phase where I'm going through old favourites, television theme songs and songs I think I heard on the radio at some point in my teenage years. Seriously, everything from Weird Al and the Dukes of Hazzard theme to the Smiths and De La Soul is on my current I Tunes playlist. It's embarassing. I've purposely put on Velvet Underground in an attempt to erase the memories...

Hey, know what I haven't done in a while? A Monday Mission. And true to form, it's Wednesday. Sue me.

1. Ever considered just deleting your Blog and not doing it anymore? What prompted that and what stopped you?

I stop all the time, because I'm a lazy, shiftless loser. Haven't thought about deleting it. No one reads it. If a blog is never read is it even there at all?

2. How about a quick review of the last movie you saw?

Bloody.

3. What's your favorite gadget? Are you lusting for any new ones? Will you ever be satisified???

I love my mp3 player, but I'd love an I-Pod even more. So, no. I will never be satisfied.

4. Saturday night I played "UNO" for the first time in years, I mean it has been over 10 years since I played it. It was great fun, but it really made me want to learn how to play Backgammon again. What "table game" do you enjoy playing most with other people? Have you played it lately?

I don't really like games. The people get too competive and that turns me off. I sometimes play Settlers of Catan.

5. About a year ago I was obsessed with loosing weight, and I dropped pretty low before I got a handle on things (I've actually gained about 8 pounds of it back, and it is still a struggle sometimes to not try to loose it). Thankfully, I like fattening sweets and buttery popcorn too much to live like that for too long. Have you ever been obsessed with something so much that it was close to causing you physical or mental harm? If not, have you known anyone else who has?

Do people count? Kidding. Not really

6. Did you grow up in a family or community that displayed racist or prejudice attitudes? Did it influence you in any way, either toward or away from those views? How did you manage to avoid it, or did you?

One of my grandfathers was horribly racist - though I never saw it until I was old enough to know that it was really wrong. And I'm prejudiced against stupid people and attractive people.

7. Good grief, I am starving! You got anything to eat around here?
Go eat at home, ya Mooch.

BONUS: What did you tell them?

I told them exactly what they wanted to hear.

Started watching Seven Samurai last night. Damn, that's a great film. Because I started so late, I was only at 20 minutes in when I had to go to bed (work today means early to rise). Hopefully I'll get to go back to it tonight.

So I'm 30. And I think I'll all right with it. I was feeling a little wary of the whole 30 thing, but I'm at peace. My birthday was very uneventful. (How to say these cryptically) I thought some people would want to make a bigger deal out of it, but you can't really tell people that they should want to throw you a party, can you? But enough of that. Whatever.

Saw Star Wars: Episode 3 on Saturday. Must say, I thought it was easily the best of the new trilogy (not that that was a great feat - the elusive Star Wars Christmas Special is better than that mess called the Phantom Menace). The dark side was well represented, including slaughtered Jedi children. Lucas' main problem is still style over substance. The special effects become too prominent, too overwhelming. There are too many ships, shooting too many lasers.

Listening to: the faint hum of my CPU.

All right, so I watched the much hyped season finale of CSI last night. Now, I'm a big fan of both CSI and Tarintino, so I knew I was in for two hours of good television. And boy, was I right. Some people have argued that the reason cable stations are, by and large, putting out the highest quality television of all time (Soporanos, Six Feet Under) is that they're not restricted by the same censorship standards that regular TV is. This argument has always seemed, at least to me, ridiculous. Swearing, nudity and excessive violence doesn't make better tv. It's the solid storytelling, which is what CSI delivered.

Last night's CSI reminded me of the highest quality fan fiction, like Nicholas Meyer's Seven Percent Solution. When someone truly loves the source material they include the little details that fans know. Whether it's Holmes' tabacco filled slipper or Grissom's blood filled heads, fans treat the details of the original material with a reverence and try to cram as many of those details into their story.

Of course, being Tarintino, there's also the pop-culture heavy story telling as well: Tony Curtis and the (very recently)late Frank Gorshin talking about old Vegas, Hodges and Greg playing the Dukes of Hazzard board game, and classic 70s baddy, John Saxon setting the whole thing in motion.

My only problem was the lack of Sara Sidle. Sara's my favourite character on the show; she's got this great untapped backstory; she's got an unresolved emotional attachment to Grissom; she's laregly unaware of Greg's attraction. While I see why Nick was a good choice to put in the box (everyone likes Nick, he's like everyone's brother), Sara would have been an equally interesting choice to have been kidnapped.

All in all, I was really satisfied. The final shot, the team watching Nick's ambulance pull away, was the perfect note to end the season on. The wear of a long night, the emotional strain of the evening still visible on all their faces made Grissom's last line all the more poignant: "I want my guys back." Only after such a night could the stoic Grissom make such an honest heart felt request to Ecklie.

Listening to: Tom Waits' "Downtown Train"

Well, it's Wednesday... and it's raining.

Blah day. hope summer comes soon, 'cause this crappy weather is really getting me down.

I'm waiting for a shipment of books here at work, and there's nothing really to do until they come so I thought I'd take a bit of time and blog.

So, what's new? The new Star Wars movie comes out tonight at midnight, and I must say I'm surprised by how much I want to see it. Like most people my age I was a huge fan of the original trilogy. I remember going to see Star Wars/Empire double bills back in 82. My friends and I would play Star Wars, most of us had the toys (in fact I think I still have a box of them in my parents' attic). When the first of the new trilogy opened I went with great excitement and expectations... they were quickly dashed. Have you seen the Simpsons' Star Wars spoof, where Homer, Bart and Lisa go to the new Space movie and it's all about politics and trade embargos? That's EXACTLY what i thought of Episode One. Tariffs? Intergalactic captialism? Boring. Sure some of the Jedi stuff was cool - by that time Special FX made the sword fights even more spectular - but on the whole I was extremely disappointed.

When I got back from seeing Episode One, I put on my letterboxed Star Wars (the pre-Special Edition) and... was disappointed once again. The first Star Wars movie just isn't that good either. The acting is... well, it's not always great (Luke's just a whiny snot-nosed kid); and by this time I realized that the plot was just lifted from old Flash Gordon flicks and Akira Kurosawa's The Hidden Fortess.

Not long after this I sold my leatherette bound letterboxed set with hologram cover.

After reading a few reviews of Episode three, my interest was peaked. Part of my problem with Episode One was that it felt like a kid's film, as opposed to a PG action film. Everything I've read about Episode 3 stresses the darkness of the plot. Perfect. I can only hope Jar Jar Binks is disembowelled by someone.

I watched Empire and Jedi this weekend, and was pleasantly surprised how much I enjoyed them. Empire's still my favourite of the films, but Jedi has some nice stuff in it (aside from the innocently erotic Leia bikini scenes). If Three is the new trilogy's Empire, they're on the right track.

Listening to: Tom Waits' Tango til They're Sore
Watched Last Night: House MD - easily one of my favourite shows currently running.
Tonight: Alias!

Right... it's lunch time on a Thursday. And here I sit. Bored and sore. I decided to start wokring out this week. Not sure if it's going to be a "continue-on" type thing. Starting out kind of slow to, you know, get back into the feel of using my muscles again (what muscles? you ask; shut up, I say). Did these things called hindi squats, which Indian wrestlers have used for years to build strength and endurance. Now I don't want to sa my legs are burning... but my legs are burning. Seriously. I walk like John Wayne. It's taking 15 minutes to walk down the hall to go to the bathroom. Whenever I try to walk some place, I just sort of point myself in the direction I want to go and stumble along as best I can, and try not to lift my feet any more then I have to. Whenever I have to sit down I just sort of aim and plant myself, which can really hurt if the chair is low. If this is the price of being in shape, I seriously question the sanity of workout people. I may get winded going up the stairs but at least i can walk normally on a flat service.

I've been checking out the Clone Wars micro series that aired on Cartoon Network. All i can say is, "Holy Crap." Check them out! If only SW Episode 1 and 2 were this good: cool Jedi fights, no Jar-Jar Binks and very little of the highly annoying and highly convulted trade embargo-ing aliens. Apparently Lucas has decided to use General Grievous, one of the cooler villians, in Episode 3. Good move, George. I hope they turn this into a regular series, maybe focus on other Jedi battles during the Clone Wars. A regular high quality Star Wars animated television series would wipe away the bad taste in my mouth left from those crappy Ewoks tv movies, and the Droid/Ewok Adventure Hour.

Listening to: Gorillaz' "Clint Eastwood"! Del the Funky Homosapien RULES!

So it's May... May 2nd to be precise. And later this month I turn (wait for it) 30. That's right: the big three oh, baby. Scary? You betcha.

And I can't figure out if I want to celebrate it. On the one hand I recognize it as some sort of milestone... but it's not like we live in the 13th century where reaching the age of 30 was a major feat. I guess if other people want to celebrate it (or remember to) I will too.

Saw Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy on Friday night. I'm not surprised by the mixed reactions from the various pop-critics: British humour's an aquired taste. If you liked the books, you'll like the film. If you don't like the books, why bother? Personally, I couldn't think of a better everyman than Martin Freeman. This guy's a brillant comic actor. When I first saw him in the Office I thought, if he get a chance to shine, he will.

What am I listeing to: People Ain't No Good, Nick Cave and the Bad Seed

It's hard to believe that it's been months since I've posted anything. Well, maybe not that hard. I mean, it's not like anyone bothers to check this thing.
So, what's new?

Let's see: semester's over (finally); all my grading's done and submitted. I'm currently trying to figure out what books to put on my courses for next year; I'll be teaching Academic Writing (which I've never taught before), 20th Century Lit and Representative Lit (both of which I've taught many times before).

Currently reading: Handful of Dust by Evelyn Waugh and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Supposed to go see the film, tomorrow, so I thought I'd try to figure what the heck supposed to be happening.

Listining to: u, nothing at the moment, though I had the Beatles cd in the car for the past few trips. I'm seriosuly considering putting the Sgt Pepper disc on my 20th Century lit course. Maybe...

So... here I am, sitting in my study (where I've spent the better part of my day). In just a few short days, I leave for England. Now anyone who knows me knows I'm a bit of an anglo-phile - love Sherlock Holmes, Blackadder, Monty Python.... so, for me, this trip has evolved into a kind of Mecca-seque pilgrimage. The problem is there's just SO MUCH TO SEE and time's limited.

FIRST RECORD BOUGHT: Fat Boys, Crushin' - man, I was such a geek.

FIRST CONCERT: ummm... actually I think it would be Spirit of the west, with Great Big Sea and Philosopher Kings.

FAVORITE CONCERT: Squeeza in Buffalo was great (especially eatin' with the band afterwards), but Glen Tillbrook at the Horseshoe in TO was the greatest. He led the audience out into the streets, singing Pulling Mussells From the Shell. Unforgetable.

CONCERT YOU WISH YOU'D SEEN: Dylan goes electric, Beatles on the roof, Waits in his Nighthawk days, any concert by the first Miles Davis quintet or Velvet Underground

FAVORITE MUSIC MOVIE: Talking Heads-Stop Making Sense, Almost Famous (I'm counting it), Don't Look Back

BEST USE OF MUSIC IN A TV SERIES: Freaks and Geeks - movie-like in its use of musical cues

FAVORITE MUSIC BOOKS: Lester Banks' book, Zappa's autobio

FAVORITE SONGWRITERS: Dylan, McCartney/Lennon

FAVORITE ALBUM COVERS: Miles Davis: Birth of the Cool; Pink Floyd: Dark Side of the moon; LZ: Houses of the Holy

LEAST FAVORITE ALBUM COVER: Let it Be - always felt like a bit of a cop out; S&G: Parsely, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme - what's up with those stupid flowers, Garfunkel?

ARTIST YOU WILL ALWAYS DEFEND: Johnny Cash - some people take the"I-hate-country-music" stance too far; Kenny Rogers is JUST a country singer, Johnny Cash is the man in freakin' black!!!

ALBUMS THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS DEFEND: Tom Waits' Closing Time, and Leonard Cohen album

SINGER WHO MAKES YOU SWOON: Marvin Gaye, Nina Simone, Nico

ARTISTS YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LIKE BUT DON'T: depends on who's telling me I should like them. Much music seems to think I should like Blink 182, Good Charlotte, Simple Plan and a slew of pretty, airbrushed teenagers... and I just don't.

SONG YOU CAN'T STAND BY AN ARTIST YOU LIKE: Octopus's Garden... the Beatles should have been shot for this crap.

FAVORITE TEEN IDOL: Fabian

BAND THAT SHOULD BREAK UP: Metallica... KISS - once and for all. Rolling Stones - Mick, Keith, it's time to go home, boys.

BAND THAT SHOULD RE-FORM: can't think of any- reunions are almost always inferior to the original.

GUILTY PLEASURE: my inexplicable love of Dr. Hook's "Cover of the Rolling Stone"

So I went home to visit my parents. It's been a little over a year since the last time I was home, and this visit, while better than most, followed the same disturbing pattern of previous visits. I spent the majority of the day at the mall. I swear, I didn't spend that much time there when I was a kid. But when parents/friends work, what else is there to do in Oshawa?

Of course there's a nit of a hidden desire that accompanies my mall treks: I secretly hope to run into people I went to school with. This is both a thrilling and terrifying prospect; kind of like watching a horror film. I'm genuinely curious about some of my former schoolmates, but I dread ACTUALLY running into them and trying to explain what I do. So far though I haven't had much to worry about. Apparently not many ex-Robertonians frequent the mall Tuesday mornings.

Following a freak May snow storm Tuesday, I spent yesterday at home, in my pajamas. I know I live in Winnipeg, which is well known for it's frigid winter tempatures, but spring is USUALLY nice and warm. Of course, no matter how bad it is, you just can't win with Winnipeggers. I have learned since moving here that one of the features that distinguishes true Manitobians is the inability to admit the weather is bad... by citing how bad it's been in years past. Example: I've lived here for almost five years and have seen some ungodly winter lows: -40-45 C! But no matter how cold it gets I'm reminded that I have yet to experience a "true Winnipeg winter". Even this past winter, which saw the coldest of cold tempetures and more snow than the past 30 years, didn't suffice. "That's almost a real Winnipeg winter".

On Tuesday, a mere day after I contemplated wearing shorts to work, as nearly 30 cm on snow fell, this old guy told me, "Well, of course it's no where as near as bad it was 2 million years ago." Strangely, this did little to console me.

While enjoying a snow day, I finally seat down and watched Jackie Brown. Now I'm a huge Tarantino fan; have been for a long time, but for some reason, I've only ever seen the first 20 or 30 minutes of this film. When Pulp Fiction came out I saw in 13 times in the theatre, but this film I didn't even go once. Maybe it's that it was an adaptation of someone else's work (though it's Elmore Leonard, who I generally like). After finally watching the film in its entirety, I've come to the conclusion that it really is one of Tarantino's best films. Stylistically, it's on par with the phenomenally visual Kill Bill; the dialogue is as sharp as (sometimes even sharper than) Pulp Fiction. This is a great film, with stand out performances: Pam Grier has never been better; Robert Forester is brilliant, Michael Keaton is great, Sam Jackson... is Sam Jackson. There isn't a character who isn't note perfect, from DeNiro to Fonda; everyone is exactly as they should be.

Film Review:

Elephant (Gus van Sant)

My wife brought this home last night, and to be honest, I had completely forgotten that this had even been made. I remember thinking, when I first saw a preview, "this looks interesting"; but it slipped from my mind until I was confronted with the DVD case by the TV last night.

In an age of sensationalism and exploitation, it was refreshing to find Van Sant's subtle, thoughtful examination of a school shooting. In the hands of another director, this film would have been filled with blaring heavy metal music, trumped up "excuses" and rapid fire editing. We're not given much back story on any of the characters, but there's a remarkable sense of intimacy created nonetheless: snips of conversations and long tracking shots make us feel part of this world. Of course this is not a real intimacy and maybe that's the point, maybe that's highschool: a bunch of people with no real shared interests stuck together through circumstance. Though we feel for these kids, we only know as much about any of them as anyone in highschool knows about anyone else; we see what other students would see. We watch the kids who are picked on; we hear the rumours of teen pregancy; we see evidence of neglectful parents. Truly, almost any one of these kids could be the ones to snap...

Through a clever handling of time Van Sant brings us to the moment of crisis early in the film, but he respects us enough to flashback without the obvious "earlier that week" title. He expects his audience to follow the story, to participate in the story. There are no easy answers in Elephant.