I want to be good, is that not enough?

My friend Matt emailed with some disturbing news: the run time on the new Woody Allen film is over 2 hours. Shocking? Maybe not as much as anthrax or the rising number of teenagers with syphilis, but as a former Allen fan, I think it ranks right up there because it adds credibility to my theory that Woody Allen has lost his mind. Let's look at evidence:

1) He's no longer shooting in New York. Apparently it's just getting to be too much of a hassle to shoot in New York. Allen's currently amoured with London, after shooting his lastest film there. Now he wants to set all his films there. But can you think about Woody and NOT think New York? The guy's a New York institution, like the Mets or the Yankees or the Dodgers... okay, forget that last one. Allen's screen-persona needs New York and is unable to function in any other city. Long shots of Allen and his 20-something love interests walking around Kensington Park or strolling along the Thames just ain't right.

2) Medicore Television actresses. Starting around Deconstructing Harry, Allen has had a BIZARRE fascination with tv actresses. Apparently he cast Elizabeth Berkley (of Showgirls infamy) after catching a "Saved by the Bell" rerun while he was working up. Perhaps he was using a rowing mahcine and couldn't change the channel. I suppose we should all thank God he didn't see the one with Screech in drag.

3) Drawer films. The last few Allen films to hit theatres (well, select theatres, anyway) have been what he refers to as "Drawer" pictures - scripts or treatments he wrote decades ago and having beed sitting in his bottom drawer, gathering dust. I know his "one picture" a year thing is absolutely incredible in this day and age, but maybe it's time to slow down. If you're making crap you yourself hide, maybe it's time to take a break. What's next? Adapting an old grade school play or a story he wrote in high school?

4) Two hour running time. Allen should be contractly obligated to turn in a 82-85 minute film. Since Annie Hall, Allen's best films have been in the 80 minute range. His humour will NOT work with a Titantic-like run-time.