Deliver Col. Sanders down to Davy Jones' Locker

After picking up my wife at the airport on Saturday morning we decided to go and see the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Really, it was more an attempt to escape the blistering heat than any deep desire to see Johnny Depp, but I remember liking the first movie. Well, I remember seeing the first movie anyway. At least I thought I did. When this new movie started, characters kept appearing and other characters would say things like "I see you're back"... and I realized something: I haven't the foggiest idea what happened in the first Pirates movie. Other than the three main stars (Depp, Orlando Bloom, and the adorable Kiera Knightley) and Geoffrey Rush, I couldn't a single other character. As I watched I realized I couldn't remember much of what had happened either - the Black Pearl, prison escapes, engagements... they're all referred to, and I'm sure they happened, but I don't remember. This realization has caused me great anxiety. If I can't remember film plots, I really don't know what good I am to anybody.

As to what I thought of this second Pirates of the Caribbean movie, generally I was unhappy with it. Yes, the sets were cool, the actors good, and the effects were top-notch. But the story left me feeling like this was just an appetizer, not the main meal you expect of a feature length film. Actually that's a good way to describe what I felt like leaving the theatre: still quite hungry; not full, not satisfied. It was like someone invited you over for dinner, promised you a huge feast and gave you crackers with cheese, nicely dressed up crackers and fancy cheese, but crackers and cheese nonetheless.

I'd heard the day before that it ends with a bit of a cliffhanger, obviously setting up for the third installment. However, about half way through the film, I realized that they weren't going to resolve much of the plot of this film. Sure enough, almost everything is left up in the air. It felt a little like watching a pilot for a television, much of the material was setting up things to come in the next film. Which, frankly, is a bit of a rip-off as there really wasn't enough plot to cover this film. Much of the action sequences felt like filler material and like we were going over the same ground again and again. How many times can someone else grab the object everyone's been searching for to prolong the swordfights?

While I have long been down on the whole Star Wars franchise, I think the best second of a trilogy has to be Empire Strikes Back. And naturally my tendency is to compare second parts of trilogies to it. Empire leaves just enough unresolved storylines (what happens to Han) to make you want to go back to see what happens, but resolves the major plots of that particular film. You don't leave Empire feeling like you've watched a 2 hour introduction for Return of the Jedi.