I flipped on the television and scrolled through the guide to see what was on. I'm hardly ever up at five o'clock in the morning any more and was disappointed to find only cable access quality religious programming, infomercials and a rerun of "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air". I reluctantly chose to spend my early morning with Will Smith.
It was one I'd seen before: Vanessa Williams guest starred as a very pregnant sports reporter who takes Will to see the Lakers. In the limo in the gridlock of traffic, Williams goes into labour and delivers her baby while Will freaks out around her.
The episode, though, was fascinating, not as a result of the plot or the actors. It was the same old sitcom formula, with lots of pratfalls and mugging for the camera. What was fascinating was what episodes like this have done to me and what fears these types of plots have instilled in me.
I am terrified of being around pregnant women, because television has taught me that they will go off at any moment. Television has programmed me to believe that 99% of all births occur in elevators, buses, cars (often taxi cabs) and other enclosed spaces. And, more often than not, these infants are delivered by untrained, panicky men who just happened to get in the same elevator or the same car.
There's a woman at Booth who's very pregnant. She's very nice, but from now on I'm going to avoid her just in case.
Although, if I do happen to wind up in the same small space with her while she's giving birth, I should rest assure: sitcoms have also taught me a few other things about the wonderful miracle of birth.
1) "water breaking" is something women feel with no
external signs to indicate something is happening- in other words,
there isn't actually any "water"
2) children are born looking about 4-5 months old and are very clean; also,
umbilical cords are a myth, as is the placenta
and 3) while women scream a lot (and it's very funny), birth is
a relatively quick and messless process which virtually anyone can
coach a woman through it.
9 comments:
oh kitten.
i pretty much i love/hate every conclusion that you've drawn.
i think i'm going to get pregnant and have my baby around you just to shatter your little world.
well this is a story all about how...i love that show. ooo, my word verification is fulmwad. your such a fulmwad.
Ar eyou suggesting that television has lied to me about the facts of life? *gasp*
Wait, was this post posted on Saturday? Because if it was then instead of going downstairs and watching TV you should have come to the church where we were partying like it was 1999. I still can't believe that you never came. *sigh* *shakes head* *says...Mike, mike, mike in a dissapointed tone of voice*
No, it was posted on Friday (as in I was up since 4:30 Friday morning).
I really would have liked to have come, but I had marking to do so that when you all come here on Sunday, I can have a good time.
One of my best friends gave birth yesterday. And I quote her directly: "It was like burning in hell. For eternity."
hey keira. what's erika's baby girl's name? i can't remember what our pastor said this morning...
Are you Abby from Prov?
Erica's baby's named Anika (rhymes with Hanukkah).
Television is probably more realistic about c-sections, if they ever have them. That's what happened to my sister-in-law today. Just cut her open and pulled out the baby. No screaming, no fluids flying everywhere, just drugged-out calm.
yes, i am abby from prov.
you are keira from prov.
haha. so smart.
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