But if I could you know I would Just hold your hand and you'd understand

So, it's the Victoria Day long week. And we can all let our our primal "whoots" because a long time ago, a dumpy, sour-pussed old lady ruled England and 1/4 of the known world. And now, a century or so later, people in the New World can skip work to do "royal" things, like camp, Bar-b-que and drink beer. I mean, look at this face.
Doesn't it scream "Take a day off and party"?

Personally, I think Victoria Day should be a bigger deal than it currently is. Sure people get a day off work and that's all well and good, but aside from the increasingly infrequent firework displays, what sets Victoria Day apart? Nothing. If we're really being honest with ourselves, it's a holiday in desperate need of a make over - much like ol' Queen Vic herself. I think we need to add to the mythology of day in order to give it a little extra umph. Families should decorate their houses with lace and crinoline and hang larger portraits of Queen Vic. Not only are these portraits festive, it would give families something to put presents underneath. We could all gather 'round the fireplace for a glass of hot punch and a rousing round of Victoria carols. Of course decorations and songs are all well and good, but in order to lift a holiday from the mire of the mundane, work-a-day holidays (like Arbor Day and Remembrance Day), we need to target children.

Children should be filled with anxiety for a good month before May twenty-whatever, wondering if Queen Victoria be visiting while they were sleeping to leave them goodies (boiled sweets or humbugs) or coal. Actually, Santa still has the coal market cornered, right? What's worse than a lump of coal? Traditional English cuisine! Parents can threaten their chidlren all year long, "If you don't behave, Queen Victoria's gonna leave you nothing but Bubbles and Squeek."