I had the weirdest thought today: what if I could just be evil? Not "mean" or "bad" or "grumpy" but EVIL - cartoonishly wicked. You know, steal candy from children, kick old ladies down stairs, take over the world. I wonder, what it would take? Do really evil people choose to be evil? Did Lex Luthor wake up one morning and say, "I think I should start being evil today. Right after breakfast"?
I think evil Mike could solve a lot of my problems. I wouldn't have to do nice things for people - lend them books, offer to proofread essays. Evil-Mike wouldn't offer to proofread people's papers. Or he would offer and then he would add a whole bunch of mistakes and evidence of plagiarism. Life could be so much simpler, if I was evil. People annoy me - have them killed in their sleep. People treat me badly - put their legs in cement and drop them off a pier.
I suppose being evil would mean losing a lot of my friends. But, on the other hand, I believe I would pick up some henchmen. Most evil guys have henchmen, right? I suppose that's like having friends. It's all balance, isn't it?
6 comments:
hey mike, i'll be your fr-um, i mean henchmen. i don't mind rolling up my sleaves and doing a bit of the dirty work...
I hope you have your own lead pipe.
I have a pretty solid cardboard tube, is that good enough?
Absolutely! Solid cardboard hurts like the dickens (a fact a lot people don't know)!
As a henchman, would I have benefits (insurance for death, dismemberment, falling into vats of evil substances)?
Quite possibly, Brian. Quite possibly.
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